The Conflict Expert

This year has been a momentous one for me. I’ve become a mother and learned a whole lot from it. Motherhood has been incredibly beautiful and enriching , not least because of the immense support and love I have learned to give and receive.

But it hasn’t all been plain sailing. It has been the hardest, most beautiful time in my life. I’ve grieved my old, spontaneous life and taken on responsibilities that frankly, terrify me. I’ve confronted elements of my childhood and gained valuable insights into the mother I want to be.

All of this has been accompanied by conflict which, as I continue to say, is normal in any relationship. But it feels a lot heavier when you are vulnerable and in the thick of strong emotions. Throw into the mix a monumental change of identity, an earth shattering change of lifestyle, body image, hormonal chaos and a future that looks very different to how I imagined when I didn’t have a child, and there are bound to be adaptions to personal relationships.

As I reflect on the last year, here is what I am taking into 2025 so that I can help myself and others find creative, empowering resolutions to their conflicts.

1. Conflict goes hand in hand with growth and to get the best from it, you need to embrace it. I knew this before but it’s even more important to me now. You can love and cherish somebody and also resent them. This doesn’t mean that you should end the relationship. It means you need to communicate better with them, even if that means making the first move. If you can do that, you can build resilience within yourself and your relationships.
2. Communicating constructively is the best way to resolve conflict and find solutions that last. To do so, you need to listen openly and attentively to the needs and interests of yourself and the other person. Allowing emotions to fester make things worse and will take even more effort to calm.
3. Hard times are only temporary. Things change for better and for worse and this includes conflict. Allow people to have their space and time to think things over and they may just realise the error of their behaviour – and you may too.
4. Apologies go a long way. They can be the best way to resolve a dispute and save a relationship when done properly. When you are in the wrong and want to start afresh with somebody, acknowledging wrongdoing and committing to actions that prevent it from happening again will bring about peace and change.
5. Empathy is the cornerstone of constructive communication and when you take a step back and consider things from the other person’s perspective, it may just help you to understand how they feel and why you are in conflict. If you don’t know what that is, there are certain phrases you can use .
6. Sometimes, people don’t speak the same conflict language as you and that’s ok. With constructive communication, you can iron out misunderstandings and put boundaries in place to protect you both. But not everyone has the skills to do so. Some people like to remove themselves from conflict with silence and others are aggressively confrontational. You can’t change the other person but you can improve your own skills and this may encourage others to do the same.
7. Relationships are not used tissues to be thrown away. We need each other in the good and the bad times and with the right skills, we can repair any damage done intentionally or otherwise . Forgiveness, acceptance and empathy are aspects of love that nourish them and allow them to flourish.

Nobody said that working through the difficult emotional impact of conflict would be easy. But if you want to empower yourself and maintain stable, loving relationships that support you through hard times, you need to have the courage and compassion to communicate with others openly and assertively.

And sometimes, you get it wrong. You can be the best communicator in the world that has studied conflict theories and practiced mediation skills for a very long time. But we are all human and we all mistakes. And when that happens, you own it. Personal growth starts right at that spot.

Wishing my readers a fantastic start to 2025 ! If you like what you have read so far, I’d appreciate a kind donation to support my writing. I don’t get paid for this but I love what I do and hope my knowledge and experience will help you live more fruitful lives. If you can’t, then please leave a comment, I’d love to know your thoughts ! What are your goals for 2025?