The Conflict Expert

Deciding to move on from unresolved conflict is hard.

When my father died, I didn’t want to celebrate anything. It was painful to see other people happy whilst I was suffering so much. In my culture, it’s not usual to attend anything celebratory such as weddings, for about a year after a death. I wanted to respect that for personal reasons.

A friend of mine didn’t see it that way. She insisted that I come to her wedding and was offended when I told her that I couldn’t. She was angry with me, feeling let down, which I found confusing and equally offensive because her response lacked empathy. It was hard to convey to her that her insistence on my attendance was really annoying me because it ignored how painful my grief felt. We never resolved this and went out separate ways.

In hindsight, I should have been more assertive about how I felt but in truth, I felt too hurt and I didn’t value our friendship enough to fight for it. But I was still left feeling angry, disrespected and frustrated by the views of somebody I had once cared about. Even as I write this blog post, I still feel a surge of bitterness.

Not every conflict gets tied up with a neat little bow. Sometimes, we just don’t want to engage, we don’t want to talk and find a solution, or we are too scared to confront bad behaviour, for whatever reason. It’s not surprising. It’s exhausting and not always received well by the other person, even if you are trained in communication techniques.

But unresolved conflict can weigh heavily on us – emotionally, physically and physically. So how do you move on from unresolved conflict without closure?

I’ve dug deep for this one and here are five strategies that can help:

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1. Accept That Closure Doesn’t Always Come from Others

Waiting for someone else to give you closure keeps you emotionally tethered to them. The truth is, closure is an inside job. Acknowledge what happened, how it made you feel, and what you wish had been different. Write it out, say it aloud, or process it with a trusted person. You don’t need their permission to move on.

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2. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Energy

Unresolved conflict often lingers because there’s still some contact—direct or indirect. If the other person is still in your workplace, family, or social circle, boundaries are essential. That might look like limiting interactions, changing how you engage, or deciding not to discuss certain topics. Boundaries aren’t punishment; they’re protection.

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3. Choose Meaning Over Bitterness

Ask yourself: What did I learn about myself through this? What do I want to do differently next time? In my example, I asked myself what had gone wrong with this relationship and what had I learned ? Grief for me, is sacred, as was the love for my father. And it’s important to communicate my values, needs and boundaries in every relationship. This is a rule I live by now.

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4. Redirect Your Focus to What You Can Control

You can’t change how someone else responded—or didn’t. But you can decide what kind of communicator, colleague, or friend you want to be instead. Use the conflict as fuel for becoming more clear, compassionate, or assertive. These are skills you can exercise to have more control over your actions.

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5. Let Go of the “Justice Fantasy”

It’s human to want people to realise they were wrong, apologise, or change. But clinging to that fantasy keeps you stuck in a loop of resentment.

Closure and moving on isn’t about excusing harm—it means making peace with what happened. Forgiveness means saying I choose to move on from the emotional impact of this conflict and wish the other person no harm.

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Are you finding it hard to move on from a conflict? We can help you find closure….