The Conflict Expert

“Sure, no problem.” Then the deadline passes. The work comes back half finished, or not at all. And somehow, when you raise it, the instructions turn out to have been the problem all along.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not imagining it, and you’re not being too sensitive. This is one of the most common, and most quietly draining, patterns a manager deals with. The tricky part is that it’s rarely one dramatic incident. It’s a pattern: agreement on the surface, resistance underneath, and just enough plausible deniability that calling it out feels like you’re the one overreacting.

To be clear from the start, this isn’t about diagnosing someone’s personality. It’s about recognising a repeated behaviour pattern that’s affecting trust, delivery and team morale, and knowing what to actually do about it.

The scale of this is worth naming too. A 2022 survey of US employees, commissioned by the e-learning company Go1 and conducted by OnePoll, found that 69% felt passive-aggressive behaviour had become a real problem in their workplace, and 64% said they witnessed it at least once a week. Survey findings like this aren’t proof of some universal law of office life, but they do confirm something most managers already suspect: this isn’t rare, and it isn’t just you.

What Passive-Aggressive Behaviour at Work Actually Looks Like

At its core, passive-aggressive behaviour is what happens when negative feelings get communicated indirectly instead of discussed openly. The frustration is real. It just comes out sideways.

In practice, that can look like:

• Backhanded compliments or a disguised insult dressed up as a joke
• Sarcasm, followed by “I’m only kidding”
• Silence, sulking, or answers that dodge the actual question
• Agreeing to a task, then delaying it, doing it poorly, or leaving it unfinished
• Blame-shifting, with just enough ambiguity to deny it later
• Gossip, withheld information, or quietly obstructing a process
• Rejecting feedback while nodding along as if they’ve accepted it

One thing worth being careful about: a single missed deadline or one frustrated comment doesn’t make someone a passive-aggressive employee. Everyone has an off day. What you’re actually looking for is a pattern, its context, and its impact on the work. Career guidance from Indeed lists sarcasm, negative body language, talking behind colleagues’ backs and the silent treatment among the clearest signs, and the common thread across all of them is the same: real frustration, indirect delivery.

Why Employees Become Passive-Aggressive

Here’s an important distinction: understanding why someone behaves this way isn’t the same as excusing it. But if you want to actually change the pattern rather than just suppress it for a week, it helps to know what tends to drive it.

Common drivers include a fear of open conflict, low trust in the relationship, feeling overlooked or unheard, unclear authority or role boundaries, workload pressure, and simply never having built strong conflict-management skills. None of these justify the behaviour. They do explain why it happens, and that distinction matters for how you respond.

The same Go1 and OnePoll research found that people who admitted to their own passive-aggressive habits most often pointed to poor time management (51%), weak problem-solving skills (49%) and poor stress management (48%) as contributing factors. Treat that as a useful indicator from a workplace survey, not a clinical explanation.

The practical management point is this: indirect behaviour tends to show up more often when people don’t believe they can disagree safely or directly. Rather than asking “why are you doing this?”, which puts someone immediately on the defensive, it’s more useful to ask what’s getting in the way. SHRM’s guidance on this is blunt but useful: name what you’ve observed, and ask an open question, rather than accusing.

The Cost of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour in the Workplace

This isn’t just an uncomfortable dynamic to sit through. It has a real operational cost: missed delivery, rework, a slow erosion of psychological safety, strained relationships between colleagues, and a manager spending hours managing a problem that a five-minute conversation could have addressed months earlier.

The numbers back this up. A UK arm of the same Go1 research found that workers encounter passive-aggressive behaviour from colleagues around four times a week on average, and 44% said it felt worse than it had ever been. More strikingly, the same survey found that passive-aggressive behaviour had contributed to 39% of respondents’ resignations over the previous year. That’s not a small, background irritation. For a significant number of people, it’s part of why they leave.

The behaviours themselves tend to cluster around a familiar set: talking behind a colleague’s back (54%), complaints and resentment (50%), the silent treatment (49%) and sarcasm (42%) were the most commonly reported in the wider survey. None of these show up on a performance review. All of them chip away at a team over time.

A Manager’s Step-by-Step Framework for Managing a Passive-Aggressive Employee

Once you’ve recognised the pattern, here’s a sequence that actually works.

1. Document the behaviour, not your interpretation

Record specific dates, actions, missed commitments and the actual impact on the work. Skip labels like “toxic” or “manipulative” in your notes and stick to what happened. Clear, factual documentation is the foundation HR guidance consistently points to, and it protects both you and the employee if things escalate.

2. Check the pattern and gather context discreetly

Confirm this is recurring, not a one-off. If you need to speak to affected colleagues, keep it focused on clarifying impact, not inviting gossip or building a case through hearsay.

3. Hold a private, calm conversation

Lead with a neutral observation rather than an accusation. Something like: “I’ve noticed the last two project updates were late, and the team didn’t get the information they needed. I’d like to understand what happened.” Avoid public call-outs, amateur psychoanalysis, and loaded questions like “why are you being so passive-aggressive?”

4. Listen for the message without accepting the method

There may be a genuine grievance underneath the delivery. Clarify what it is, reflect it back, and address what’s reasonable. But be equally clear that sarcasm, obstruction, gossip or repeated non-delivery aren’t acceptable ways to raise it, however valid the underlying concern might be.

5. Set written expectations

Confirm the task, the owner, the deadline, the standard required, a check-in point and what happens if it isn’t delivered. Break complex work into milestones if needed. Written expectations leave far less room for later ambiguity or blame-shifting.

6. Follow up consistently

Check in before deadlines pass, not after. Ask what’s on track, what’s at risk and what support is needed. When the employee does communicate directly, notice it and reinforce it.

7. Escalate proportionately

If the pattern continues despite support, clarity and documented conversations, bring in HR and follow your organisation’s process. Escalate sooner if there’s any safety, harassment, discrimination, legal or serious operational risk. Progressive discipline should always make clear exactly what needs to change and by when.

Scripts for Handling Passive-Aggressive Comments in the Moment

A few exact phrases worth keeping in your back pocket:

SHRM specifically recommends naming the behaviour as it happens rather than matching it with more sarcasm or silence. A simple, calm “that sounded like sarcasm” does more to interrupt the pattern than either ignoring it or firing back.

Building a Team Culture That Prevents Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

The individual conversation matters, but it’s worth looking at the environment too, not just the person in front of you.

A few practices genuinely help:

• Model direct but respectful feedback yourself
• Thank people who raise concerns early, even when it’s inconvenient to hear
• Make priorities and deadlines explicit rather than assumed
• Address rumours and side conversations without publicly shaming anyone
• Train managers in active listening, expectation-setting and difficult conversations
• Never punish someone simply for disagreeing with you

Guidance from Columbia University’s Ombuds Office puts it plainly: passive-aggressive behaviour tends to get worse when people feel they have no safe way to express disagreement directly. Making it genuinely easy to raise concerns, and praising people when they do, even when you disagree with them, reduces the need for anyone to go sideways instead. If you want a structured way to prepare for these conversations, the Difficult Discussions at Work Planner and Logbook gives you a place to document patterns and plan the conversation properly before you have it.

When to Involve HR or Consider Formal Action

Bring HR in when:

• The pattern continues after clear feedback, support and written expectations
• The conduct is causing material disruption or repeated missed delivery
• There are allegations of harassment, discrimination, retaliation or bullying
• The employee refuses to take accountability or engage with improvement steps
• The behaviour presents a health, safety, legal or reputational risk

Follow your organisation’s process consistently every time. Don’t promise a particular outcome, don’t attempt to diagnose a mental health condition, and don’t bypass a fair process because a situation feels urgent.

A Calm, Direct Response Works Better Than Either Extreme

Passive-aggressive behaviour doesn’t resolve itself by being ignored, and it doesn’t improve if you match it with hostility of your own. What actually works is calm, direct, documented and proportionate: curiosity about what’s driving it, paired with real accountability for its impact.

If you’re navigating this with someone on your team right now, book a free 20-minute discovery call and let’s talk through what’s actually happening and what a good next step looks like.