The Conflict Expert

Boundaries Don’t Change Them — But They Protect You

In Part 1, we unpacked the traits and conflict patterns of covert narcissists — the emotionally manipulative individuals who thrive on control through subtle means. Now, let’s focus on you.

The key to handling any narcissist is boundary setting and understanding what you will achieve through conflict, as well as when to end a relationship with one.

Here’s how to stop spinning in confusion and start setting firm, self-protective boundaries.

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1. Don’t Take the Bait

Covert narcissists push buttons to make you react — then paint you as unreasonable.

Instead of getting pulled into endless justifications, respond with calm, neutral language:

• “I see it differently.”
• “We’re not going to resolve this right now, so I’m stepping away.”

Keep emotion out of it. Your neutrality is disarming. It’s hard but take a deep breath, get some distance and work out whether entering into a conflictual exchange will be beneficial to you.

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2. Setting Boundaries With a Narcissist — and Sticking to Them

You don’t need permission to protect your energy.

Use clear, non-negotiable statements like:

• “I won’t continue this conversation if I’m being criticised.”
• “I will end the discussion if my boundaries aren’t respected.”
• “Please speak to me respectfully, or this conversation will end now.”

Avoid over-explaining. That only opens the door for more manipulation.

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3. Document, Don’t Debate

In workplace or co-parenting situations, document everything. Keep a paper trail of important interactions and agreements.

Avoid getting trapped in verbal exchanges that go nowhere. Stick to written communication when possible.

Covert narcissists like to gaslight and lie, so if necessary, record your conversations and confirm verbal agreements in writing.

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4. Protect Your Emotional Vulnerability

Covert narcissists can weaponize your feelings. Be cautious about sharing personal struggles or fears.

Instead:

• Speak from the facts, not your emotions
• Avoid emotional disclosure when trust is low

You can be civil without being open.

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5. Build a Support System

Validation is powerful. Whether it’s a therapist, coach, or close friend, having someone affirm your experience can help you stay grounded.

If this is happening at work, consider involving HR or a conflict resolution specialist to help create safety and structure.

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You Don’t Need Their Approval — You Need Your Peace

You may never “win” a conflict with a covert narcissist, but you can walk away with your clarity, integrity, and peace of mind intact.

It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to disengage. You don’t owe toxic people your silence — or your energy. But you do need to protect your peace in toxic relationships.

It’s time to walk away from a covert narcissist when they undermine your self-esteem, create self-doubt in you and damage your mental health. You feel anxious about their reactions and you feel like they control you. Dealing with covert narcissistic abuse is not easy, but the first step to empowering yourself if through knowledge.

People only have power over you because you consent to it. You take back your power once you withdraw it.

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Need support handling covert conflict at work or home?
Book a free 20-minute consultation and let’s talk about how I can help or download The Narcissist Conflict Tool Kit today!